Intrepid

About jumping out -- and jumping in.

I read this week that the philosopher Martin Buber believed that stories have the power to heal.  And – that we should actively seek out stories that have such a power.

Perhaps this can help you – and can help us all:

It has been almost eleven years since my father died.

I have written previously (https://lesliecoff.com/fishing-the-hospital-bed/) about how in his last few days when the medical team brought a hospital bed into his home, he climbed over the rails to get out. I remember that I was frustrated and amazed at whatever motor he had inside him that kept him zooming, on and on, pushing him to move, to do.  

At the time, I did not realize that I have that same kind of motor in me — although I should have suspected long ago.   

(zoom, zoom)

There is an old family story about me (parts of which I actually remember) — from when I was two years old.  (Two!) It was supposed to be nap time — and my parents were resting as well. I woke before them — climbed out of bed and went down the stairs into our basement where I found the water heater. 

Some of you may know that water heaters used to have a red spigot and wheel near the base, for releasing pressure. 

To a color-oriented two-year old, a red spigot is a magnet.

Little two-year-old me began to turn the spigot — releasing boiling water onto the floor.

I have recently been called ‘intrepid’. (Who knew?)

It seems that, like my father, I have a motor running inside me (zoom, zoom), driving me to do more than I should —even recently, while recovering from a foot reconstruction — leaving my family (and my physical therapists) to shake their heads in amazement, disbelief and frustration — sending me back to ice and elevation and couch and bed and walker and boot-jail. 

What is it, really, that drives me to move? To keep moving — even when I should not?  Although I know that I have physical limitations, my mind and my heart want to fly. 

Interestingly, I read that people who have a lot of foot and leg injuries are those who step forward where others fear to tread.

That tracks, haha.

I want to be on the water in the sun and the wind. I want to sit in the air with the birds.  I want to taste the morning air and hear the evening breeze in the trees.  In this season, which is passing, passing — I want to feel its passing. 

My external structural limitations and subsequent changes have created internal changes.

Probably necessary ones, I believe.

I was very fortunate this summer. We went to a special dock which could manage the wheelchair I was using so I could be on the water, in the wind.

The next two hours were heaven.

I am nothing if not optimistic.

These days I think that we are understanding that the only way forward is forward. There is no other choice.

Whatever motor we have inside us (zoom, zoom!) – this is what we have to help us to move.  Our internal motors may cause us to jump out of a hospital bed – or into one.

If your motor is zooming — it is telling you that it is time to move. To go down the stairs — to take a deep dive. Your motor may be telling you that it is time to do whatever you need to do to clear your head, and to clear your heart.

In these days, we all may need a sense of humor and we may need to turn a red spigot.

And we may end up with hot water.

But we have lived our whole lives for this moment.